watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
