At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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