When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
is wine microwaveable?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
