Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
