Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
