Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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