that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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