bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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