Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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