Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
