Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
