lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
