I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
