I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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