Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
