i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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