im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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