i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
