Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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