My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
