I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
