really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
