i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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