The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Welp...herpes.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize