omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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