It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
