Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
