This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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