the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
