Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize