Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
