I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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