You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
