I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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