I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
