I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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