I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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