Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
