All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
