i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
