I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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