you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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