you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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