only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
