Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh god it's open bar.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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