Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
