Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
