porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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