Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
