Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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