Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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