As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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