dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
