ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
