I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
