i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
