All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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