Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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