I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
