I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
