There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
