So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
