So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
