Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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