I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
