You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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