Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
