A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize