I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She even gives head with a lisp.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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