I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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