I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
