masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
