My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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