...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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