Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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