If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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