she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
